So what do the women have to say about this? That is what I want to know this time.

Not long ago, I wrote man to man, or man to men rather. I wrote about the relationship of a person's moral health to his or her physical health. I wrote from experience, knowing that many real men are tired of the Hollywood definition of masculinity, the violently strong and proudly aloof hero who always finds himself in the middle of a mess. Men have recognized that true health is not muscle-bound nor Olympic, but it includes integrity, justice, and help.

My wife is not interested in fitness in the same way I am; instead, she is interested in relationship. So, Ladies, you are the relationship experts. How does the evil lurking in the dark alleys of society affect your relationships? How do the degrading suggestions behind advertisements and one-liners make you feel, and how does that in turn influence the people around you?

I do not really know what goes on in the minds and hearts of women. But I do know that the tabloids, the gossip clubs, and feminists spend a lot of time complaining about men. Would those complaints be fewer should the men start focusing on the dangers threatening society? Are men doomed to be insensitive and macho, or is there hope for reconciliation, teamwork, and complementary roles?

As a man, somewhere around half of the persons I interact with in life are women, whom I highly esteem. However, I think somewhere in the crusade for women's rights, and in the competitive drive that pushes some women to prove themselves in the business world, politics, and success in general, women have somehow lost sight of their goal? No disrespect intended; am I right about any of this, Ladies?

From what I can tell, women do not want to be superior to men, and men do not want to be caught up in themselves and oblivious to the needs of others. Women, do you not simply want to be valued by those around you, appreciated for all that you are and do? Do you not yearn to feel secure in your friendships and relationships, with men and women alike?

I know what men desire. Men want to feel important; they want to make a difference. They want to be respected and honored.

Men have feelings, too, but I think they are sometimes buried deeper in their hearts, which is why women's feelings are more visible. As women respond to their sensitive emotions, men become afraid that they are going to be criticized or belittled. Thus they withdraw deeper into themselves, and the result is an apparent obsession with self, things that men like, things that thrill enough to cover up their unmet need for respect and appreciation. Therefore, they dive into hunting, racing, boxing, working out, sports, and work.

Women, what happens to you when this happens? You feel lost, especially if one of these men is your husband or boyfriend or father. You begin to feel insecure, and you surround yourself with other women, who eventually may agree that you do not need men anyway, thus beginning a competitive divide with the male species. You suddenly find yourself competing in a contest you hate, striving for the success formerly only attributed to men, to replace them in your lives.

What do I think?

I think this is a pathetic case of pride versus pride. I also think that women are more apt to listen to outside reason when men and women are tangled in hurt, thirsting for appreciation. Maybe it is too idealistic, but could it be that if each woman began communicating (often a woman's gift) appreciation for the men in her life, that the men would reciprocate once they learned how? Could it be that the more men felt appreciated they would learn to express appreciation for the women in their lives, and mutual-respect would blossom, and love would heal the deep wounds engraved by pride? And could it be that with women and men on the same team, fighting side-by-side, the enemy would finally be identified, not as each other, but as those things that menace every family, such as violence, poverty, illness, crime, hate, and so on?

I am not suggesting that women are a source of societal problems, but I wonder if women might not be the most ready to begin to address them? Not alone, but by encouraging the men in their lives to be real men, man enough to lead the charge against the things that society is beginning to label as "acceptable" because it is tired of fighting them with no victory in sight.

Are we willing to give ground to evil simply because we despair of ever conquering it? Are we going to gather in groups to lament the pain caused by the social ills that chip away at our families simply because we refuse to take a stand against them?

My family is too precious. I am determined to take a stand, and the logical place to start is in my marriage and in my family. Will you not consider making a similar commitment in your family, to serving your spouse in love, to nurturing your children patiently, and to modeling an alternative to the dysfunctional families in our midst? Maybe my investment in my family is only a first step, but I know that no progress will be made if I remain seated. It is time to stand up for the family, and take steps together to do good and be good. Carpe diem!

• Published in Home & Family
• 0 Comments
•